Fights and quarrels

Over the summer I preached through the book of Proverbs. Even though I am done preaching from Proverbs, I still am drawn to the book each day.

Proverbs 17:27-28 says, " A man of knowledge uses words with restraint and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue."

Those words are pretty strong. When we reject the notion that we can just throw words at a subject and somehow be thought of as wise, knowledgeable, or "in control", we really do become more like Christ.

Holding our tongue, keeping silent, using words with restraint, being even-tempered are all effective ways of being a better listener, a better communicator, a better friend, and in some cases a better opponent.

I know people who just love to get into arguments. They go around looking for verbal fights. It feels good to them. It makes them feel like they are in control. But Proverbs says something different.

" He who loves a quarrel loves sin, he who builds a high gate invites destruction" Prov. 17:19

" Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam, so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out." Prov. 17:14

I can recall several times where I failed to "drop a matter before a dispute breaks out." . In the end , I may have felt vindicated, even victorious. But there were usually some wounds as a result. Was it worth it? Most of the time the answer is no.

I think that this counsel from Proverbs also helps when we are being drawn into a fight or dispute. Recently this has happened to me. People with strong feelings about a particular subject have not gotten the response they wanted in a dispute with others. So they come to me. In one case, I engaged and regretted it. I should have just stayed out of it, and let the parties work it out between themselves. In another case, I said, " I am not going to get involved in this." I just decided that this was something that the two or three needed to work out themselves... I did not need to ride in on a white horse and save the day. I have not regretted that decision.

I think the writer of Proverbs could be talking about alot of different things here. But one thing that speaks to me is that it really does take two people to argue. Nothing is more frustrating to someone who is looking for a fight to go around looking for someone to "put up their verbal dukes" and find no one.

This does not mean that there are not times that we need to stand up and defend truth, defend ourselves, and even defend others. But maybe the old saying is true...."You are wise to pick your fights carefully."

Proverbs 17 counsels us to look at our hearts. Do you love a quarrel? Are you the one starting quarrels? Can you be the person who steps away from a quarrel and remains silent?

One more word from Proverbs 17. Verse 3 says, "the crucible for silver and the furnace for gold,but the Lord tests the heart. ( vs. 3)

Good stuff to remember in the heat of the battle.