Sunday, April 30, 2006

Hard days

The hardest day of the week for me right now is Sunday. Sunday is game day... every week, for the last 23 years, I have been on, ready to go... I think I have missed two Sundays because of sickness.. now I have missed 4 in a row ( Including Easter).

What makes it hard... unfortunately Sunday's are what I do. Preach, teach, lead youth classes, children's church. Nearly every Sunday for 23 years. I am sure there were days that I didn't feel like it, but I can't remember any.

Now... well I have attended church the last two weeks. Managed one service, before being exhausted. I don't know what tires me out so much... I think it is the people to some degree. They are so nice, so warm, and encouraging... But it is draining.. they want me back and ask.. I don't know exactly what to tell them at this point.

To some degree it is fear. Fear that I will not get the words out right and look stupid. I suppose that is pride. Everyone is understanding when it happens. ( It happened 3 times this morning) I think the crowds, and weariness makes it happen more.

After church I took a nap... ate a bit of lunch and then did a crossword puzzle ( my therapy to help with snatching words) and then took a 60 minute walk. So I am back to pretty tired. But I did accomplish what I wanted to today.

I read Ecclesiastes 10:10 today. I think it has meaning for me. " A dull ax means harder work. Being wise will make it easier." Being wise is rest. ( that is what my friend Mike says) Rest is what I need... Lots of it... I think I had been pushing too hard and I paid the price. So I was dull... and that probably made the work harder. Which tuckered me out... and in part caused God to say, "Hey buddy...why don;t you lay down for a while." ( Psalm 23:2) So here I am... trying to rest.

I just wish I didn't have to rest on Sundays.

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